Weekly Laughter-Robot Spiders Take 1

So early in the week, my oldest son Parker who is three, almost four, fell asleep in the bed with me. I am a very heavy sleeper as my day starts at 5:30am and usually ends about midnight. This night was one of those light rain, no wind, soothing kind of nights. Great for sleeping. But unfortunately, I was woke up by a blood curdling scream from him in the middle of the night.

I woke up and immediately grabbed him asking him what was wrong. He looks at me, wide awake and says,"I am sorry Daddy for screaming and waking you up. But there was a spider trying to bite me."

Now, doing as any parent would do, I throw off the blankets looking for a spider. Parker looks at me again and says, " Dad. There is no spider, silly. I was only dreaming and it was a robot spider. But he had no teeth."

So I ask him why scream bloody murder in the middle of the night? " because", he says, "I was scared. It was a robot spider." So I reassure him it's ok, lets go back to sleep. He curls up next to me grabs my elbow, softly rubbing his thumb across it until we fall back asleep. So the rest of the night goes by without incident, my alarm goes off and away to work I go. But that is not where the story stops.

After I get home from work, I ask Parker if he remembers his dream. He says "Yes, there was a robot spider trying to get me and I screamed really loud, waking you up." And then he adds, "and since you were scared, I held you until you went back to sleep."

" I was scared?" I ask him. "Yes. You threw off the blankets looking for it so it wouldn't bite you, but he had no teeth, silly."

Let me add that I think any parents is going to throw the blankets if the word spider is uttered. Even saying spider-man or apple ciderman will get them tossed.

Ok, so I am the adult and I know that robot spiders don't exist, so I tell him, "Parker, I was looking just to check and make sure that there wasn't really a spider."

"I told you that it was a robot spider and I was only having a dream, but don't worry daddy, I held you until you went back to sleep."

I tell him thanks for holding me and I end the conversation. I know that I am not going to win. I just accept the fact that my son thinks I am apparently scared of robot spiders. But then later that night, according to my wife, I swat her butt twice in my sleep and utter " I AM A ROBOT" in a C3P0 voice.

Seriously?Was I bitten like in Spider-man the night before?

Killer Whales and Humans are a Bad Mix

I saw the news headlines yesterday exclaiming that a killer whale at SeaWorld in Orlando killed a trainer. I must admit that it is very sad and unfortunate, but then when I read that this particular whale has already committed two homicides in the past, the name "Killer Whale" is right on target. To me, if I encounter anything with the name "Killer" in it, it is probably a safe bet to keep your distance. These animals are wild animals and although they may have the capacity to be trained, they will always have the killer instinct. I don't really see the fascination of keeping wild animals in captivity and making them perform shows. Wild animals are in fact wild, and I think that they shouldn't be kept in captivity, which will prevent situations like this one so they don't happen again.

In this particular incident, the 12, 000 lb killer whale named Tilikum, grabbed the trainer by the waist and proceeded to play with her like a rag doll and the trainer drowned as the whale held her underwater. Onlookers who were there attending a meet and greet luncheon, said that the animals appeared agitated.. Agitated??? This killer whale who used to be able to swim freely in 343 quintillion gallons, that's actually 343 billion billion gallons of ocean water, to a reduced amount of 7 million gallons. This trainer had over thirty years experience so I am sure that she was aware of the dangers. But the fact that this whale had already killed two others in the past is what really shocks me. Obviously, there is something wrong with this whale and the ability for it to be trained. Oh wait, did i mention it is a wild animal and is a "killer" whale?

This whale apparently killed another trainer in 1991 and could of also killed a transient that wondered into the pool area in 1999. Who was his lawyer? Johnny Cochran? I don't know how many times an animal needs to cause harm to someone or kill people that someone should realize that this animal is not safe. Typically with humans, once you kill someone, you are placed in a cage and kept away from others so you cannot kill again. But this is an animal and according to the article above, the trainers' family says that since she loved animals, she wouldn't want something to happen to Tilikum. SO are we just going to let this animal kill again?? To me this doesn't seem like a smart idea.

I think that this unexpected death has made SeaWorld reexamine their killer whale ideas. As of today, they have suspended all killer whale shows at all three locations. This incident was taken more seriously as in 2006, a killer whale at SeaWorld San Diego grabbed the trainer and held him under water twice but he was able to escape. All that happened in that situation was that he was removed from the show and SeaWorld continued on like nothing serious has happened. If only they would have realized then, that at what price does someone have to pay in order for the whale show to continue? This guy was lucky and all he suffered was a broken foot, and now with this incident, someone had to lose their life in order for attention to directed to the fact that these

are once again, wild animals and they have the potential to cause death.

Tiger, Tiger Woods

I personally think that Tiger Woods should be banned from playing Golf with the PGA. The PGA has the right to exclude players from the tour that are not a good model athlete and those that portray a negative image. Will this happen? I doubt it because to the PGA, Tiger is a cash cow. Ever since Tiger came onto the scene, the PGA has seen increased revenues, increased purses in events as well as a higher viewer-ship. It is again, so pathetic to have the news inundated with Tigers Woods bull.

First point, If is was to do something like that. Shame on me. Tiger does it...Shame on the world and these women for throwing themselves on him..He just couldn't resist. As he said earlier today in his press conference, he felt like he was entitled to it. He was so powerful. He is a married man and if he had any morals, he wouldn't have done what he did. He has two kids as well. What a great freaking example. What ever happened to the phrase "Off with his head?". I know that it is a little extreme, but I think that Tiger needs to be punished.

I also know that Tiger has lost millions of dollars in endorsements. Does this hurt him? Not in the least. He was close to making a billion dollars from Golf as of last year. It was predicted that he would eclipse that mark this year. He lost use of the GM cars and the Cadillac Escalade that he drove around. SO WHAT! The man has money. He will just go by one. People in his shoes are not really punished for anything that they do. It is really sad.

I think that the PGA needs to suspend him effective immediately since he admitted his affairs today. The PGA needs to suspend him for 1 year and really teach the man a lesson. The courts are not going to get involved except for actually making him pay spousal support and child support because of his infidelity. I wish I was the one deciding how much he has to pay his soon to be ex wife...Because i think she is entitled to it all. She did nothing wrong, thought that eh was out on one of his golfing trips, but alas he was out playing around in other holes not located on the golf course. I know, it's a bad joke but i couldn't resist. And what is all this about his Dad? Just because your Dad sleeps around, does not make it better nor does it make it right. You are the one that F(*^^%ed up. Pull up your big boy underwear ( In case you can't find them Tiger they are around your ankles) and be a single, miserable person with no love left in your heart.

Only time will tell if Tiger will get punished by the PGA. The fans should boycott buying his products and his equipment. Maybe then, he will actually be serious and apologize in a way were it is not so scripted and fake.

Weekly Digression

Kids. They grow up way to fast. I am typically a planner in life and try to map out the future way ahead of time. Early in the week, I realized that my oldest boy who will be turning four in May will start pre-k in August. It seems like yesterday, he was just a baby and I was hollering at my wife to come and change his diaper because he pooped. But the time has flown and I as I looked through some pictures over the years, it is rather amazing to see his transgressions from a baby to a little, independent boy.

One of the things that does scare me is all the violence in the schools. And it is not just the students but now teachers are involved. I read this article a few weeks ago but dismissed it as I really never put any context into it, other than it was pathetic of those teachers to do this. Evidently, a fourth grade teacher set up a fight club in his classroom and even when the students got hurt and saw the nurse, she just covered it up as well. The only reason it was discovered is that a students father overheard his son complaining that he didn't have a lot of classmates in his corner and it upset him. After the father got it out of his son, the police did arrest the teacher and his aide.

I think that it is absolutely pathetic that a teacher would do something like this. It seems like almost every week, you hear on the news about a student getting killed, a fight breaking out, or even worse a child gets kidnapped. The world is becoming a more negative place and scary for children to grow up unless you do some research and move into an area that is generally safe. But the main issue is the schools. Do you trust the public school system to adequately protect your student? Or will the time come when enrolling your child you sign away the right for safety and the school just leaves it up to the students to protect themselves? I went to a poor center city high school and we had uncover cops posing as students with us our senior year. To this day, we still don't know if they actually existed but we were told that they were there. This was 12 years ago, and even then the schools had metal detectors. I was so glad to get out.

But really, what do you do? Do you put your kid in private school and shelter them from the real world, or do you let them be exposed to the dangers and pray that something doesn't harm them? Only time will tell which route I will go, but at the first sign of my kid joining his kindergarten fight club, he won't adhere to the first rule of fight club which is " Don't talk about Fight Club", because my son likes to ramble on and on, and he can't keep a secret. I have no worries there.

Global Warming. Where are You?

Ok. What has happened to global warming? This definitely has been one of the oddest winters ever. This time last year in Norman, Oklahoma we had tornado warnings and severe thunderstorms and this year we constantly have winter weather advisories and threats of ice. I hate the winter time, my kids hate the cold and the dismal, gray skies puts me in a negative attitude. I read an article a while back that said global warming was just a hoax because the world was actually getting cooler and scientists skewed the data. Did I mention that the temperature has only risen 1.3 degrees in the last 100 years according to this article? Let's look at the facts to see if this winter is almost over.

As of right now, 49 states has remnants of snow somewhere. The only state that doesn't is Hawaii. 67.1 percent of the United States has snow on the ground with an average depth of 8 inches and according to this article, normally only 40 to 50 percent will have snow. Also as this article states, this snowy winter doesn't prove that global warming doesn't exist as weather is variable, and this winter is just wetter due to the patterns of El-Nino which brings increased moisture along the southwestern parts of the US on average every 3 to 7 years. So this winter weather is just because of an unusual weather pattern. Unfortunately, this unique pattern is expected to last a few more weeks.

Will this winter weather be over soon? Well, I figure that since Punxsutawney Phil predicted 6 more weeks of winter, then it will be over soon enough. According to the National Climatic Weather Center, he has only been right 40 percent of the time. At that rate, he is better than the average weatherman, but I am willing to take my chances that it will get better.

People in Pennsylvania are also blaming global warming on the unusual winter weather up there. In this article, a climate scientist say that this winter has been weird because of the frequent larger amounts of accumulating snow unlike the usual a little here and a little there. I personally thought that the North Eastern part of the US was always snow covered during the winter. They are used to it. Almost every vehicle up there is a four wheel drive and that is where most of the snowmobile sales are at.

I personally don't think that global warming is as real as they make it out to be. 1.3 degrees warmer over a period of 100 years is not that significant to me. Didn't the Earth have a few ice ages, then a few melts, and they another ice age roughly 13,000 years ago? I think that this weird, colder winter is just because of the shifting weather patterns and this is the year that the pattern brings moisture from California, it meets with the cold air from the North and produces snow in the southern areas of the US. And do I think that it is over? I don't really know, and I just heard that it is supposed to snow here tomorrow night.

Weekly Rant

I must admit, I hate snow and ice. This winter has been absolutely horrible when it comes to snow and ice. I hate being indoors with no opportunity to be doing something outside, or the idea that I am indoors, isolated from doing something outside. I remember in Joplin a few years back we had three big snow storms right after another and each one dropped greater than ten inches of snow. I remember this because the turnpike was shut down and the hotel was booked solid. Good revenue stream, but guess what? No housekeepers or staff and I was the only one with a four wheel drive vehicle so I had to go and pick people up. I move 250 miles away to Norman, Oklahoma and the crappy weather hunts me down. But I thought that I had old man winter beat...Wreck havoc on me, they cancel school and since I work for OU now, I don't have to go to work. When this occurs, it kills me. I hate it. I become a sloth and just sleep in, eating junk food, staying up late, with NOTHING to do. Except for cleaning off my all wheel drive Chevy Equinox and mocking those who drive regular cars, stuck on the side of the road, or those that slid down a ditch. People in Oklahoma don't seem to be smart when the snow and ice come and the weatherman recommends staying off the roads, but I especially enjoy stopping and telling people that if they are stuck on the ice, they can let all the air out their tires and it will increase the square feet and get them more traction. But for those who don't know me, I am sarcastic and if i offer up any suggestions, and to be honest, dismiss them.

But lets talk more about Oklahoma drivers. We got over fourteen inches of snow the day before christmas. I decide hey, I need to run to Wal-Mart to pick up last minute dinner items and what do I see on my eight block journey? Probably a dozen cars smashed into each, a lady rear end a city bus in front of me and close to fifty cars abandoned on the highway. It looked like Armageddon out there. Almost every stuck car had the same problem with it, they weren't four wheel or all wheel drive vehicles. They were mostly little sport cars, meant for high speeds and cornering, not canvassing the prairie out here with fourteen inches of snow. I was smart. As you will see from the picture, it certainly wasn't my Ford Mustang I was cleaning off to drive in the snow. It was the vehicle that is meant for it. A car that sits up eighteen inches off the ground. And this is just one example.

Here's another fact to support my Oklahoma drivers are stupid campaign. Just this week, we had a freezing fog warning in the morning. To me, this meant the fog is freezing everything it touches so you should drive carefully.But what it really meant was, please tailgate me, flash your high beams because you want me to pull over and let you by, or you have a cool arse horn in your car and you would like for me to hear it. I personally value my life and choose to just turn up NPR (National Public Radio) and blare Stardate which comes on every weekday morning at precisely 7:00am-- and hear blah, blah, blah....a star exploded way up high and blah, blah, blah on this date some guy saw Uranus. Who cares, but I have a feeling that will be in another post. Simply put, people down here do not know who to drive and guess what happened? A 35 car pile up on an icy bridge that morning. I am glad everyone was okay, but I sincerely hope that the lead car that started the crash, didn't let all the air out of their tires because someone passing by told them so.